Zippergate

I love America; there’s no place on earth as seriously out to lunch as the U.S. of A. Only in America can everything come to a dead stop because the President allegedly had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky. Apparently, Kenneth ‘Ringo’ Starr has proof that Slick Willie lied about it and should be chucked out of office. Even if oral sex is still a crime in the more backwoods parts of America, what difference does it make to how he runs the country? Some clowns have even said that this is as bad as Watergate. That is seriously bonkers.

Richard Nixon first shot to fame as one of Eugene MacCarthy’s witchfinders in the 1950s; spent four years as a right-wing Vice-President and then tried for the top job in 1960. The Americans, with astonishing intelligence, decided that didn’t want someone who looked like a dodgy car dealer running the country and voted for another trouser dropper, John F Kennedy. OK, the car dealer got the big job in 1968, but in June 1972 some of his henchmen broke into the opposition Democrats offices in the Watergate Building and got caught doing it. Just like Slick Willie, Tricky Dicky told porkies, but that’s where the similarity ends.

Breaking and entering, even if done by staff of the aptly named CREEP (Committee to RE-Elect the President), is a criminal offence in most countries, having oral sex with someone other than your spouse is not. But, if you are a bunch of right-wing Republicans facing a popular president you talk up oral sex so that it sounds like as big a crime as burglary.

Maybe it’s because I’m cynical, but I don’t reckon we should reading about impeachment, I reckon we should be reading about Hillary filing for divorce on the grounds that Slick Willie is faithless, lying little creep who can’t keep his trousers done up and citing his serial philandering with a whole string of women going back to Arkansas and beyond before throwing the scumbag out of the White House. Maybe he could move into the Watergate Building, it is, after all, where Monica Lewinsky’s been holed up all summer.