They used to play football here

I just loved the navel gazing and knee-jerk reactions that greeted the announcement that Manchester United had been flogged off to BSkyB. I thought the idea of Carlton Communications buying Arsenal was even funnier if only because it would turn them into something as naff as your average Carlton TV programme. It is, I reckon, kind of fitting that big buck capitalism should triumph over the rights of the poor bloody fan at two more clubs. Two more? Wakey, wakey, where have you been? I know where I’ve been for the last seven seasons and that’s been down in N17 reluctantly supporting Amstrad Hotspur and wishing I could have my football club back.

A quick look at the fate of Spurs since the man who makes the Sky dishes got his clammy little hands on the club should make all those supporters who just know that no big conglomerate will want to buy their club feel seriously smug. The last time Spurs won a trophy was in May 1991 when they lifted the FA Cup. In June 1991 Alan Sugar became chairman. Since then, Spurs have courted relegation like a desperate bachelor seeking a mail order bride. The only thing that Alan ‘Dishy’ Sugar has done of any significance was tipping off his mate Murdoch in 1992 so that Sky got the rights to televise football rather than ITV. Thanks Alan, everyone at White Hart Lane loved you for that one.

So, to the future. If it suits the bean counters, players like Beckham, Giggs, Butt and Scholes will be flogged off to the highest, overseas, bidder. If this means that the team starts to sink like a stone then Alex Furguson will get the sack and within a couple of seasons Murdoch United will be down with us, fighting to avoid relegation.

The same fate faces Arsenal and I can’t see Arsene Wenger sticking a around after Carlton have decided that selling Bergkamp and Anelka will pay for three episodes of ‘The Bill’. When Arsenal slide down to join us poor Amstrad Hostpur fans in the relegation zone I won’t feel too bad because it might mean that a late season, bottom of the table clash at the Thurrock Lakeside drive-in shopping mall and football stadium enables us to consign them to the oblivion of the First Division. Meanwhile, West Ham and Charlton, remaining true to their fans will sweep all before them and neither Murdoch nor Sugar will understand what the fans mean when they say, "they used to play football here".