Days and Confusion

In these weird and wonderful times when the contents of a president’s trousers can take precedence over world peace, I love the fact that this country can devote a whole week to prunes. From the 16th to the 22nd of March we had National Prune Week, seven whole days devoted to grandad’s cure for constipation and the most revolting thing ever to be served covered with custard to unsuspecting school kids. It’s not just prunes: only a week after celebrating the humble prune, we were invited to be aware of British Ties for a whole seven days. I hate wearing ties at the best of times, but seven days devoted to the horrible things suggests either torture or a seriously out to lunch sense of humour.

Labour days

Under New Labour the year is full of awareness and promotional weeks. There are the important ones like World Aids Day, Child Safety Week and World Food Day. There are the artistic events like London Music Week and Museums Week. But those don’t interest me, what I like are the out to lunch promo specials that you just couldn’t make up if you tried.

How about National Take Your Dog to Work Day? It’s probably followed by Apologise to the Boss Day and Pooper-Scooper Week. It’s definitely followed by National Strays Awareness Week, because not every dog is going get home again. Although seeing as no one is meant to get aware of strays until August and you’re meant to take your dog to work in June I can’t help wondering what the dogs are meant to do in the meantime. While we are on the subject of apologies, did you know that on 30 April we are meant to take our daughters to work? Did you also know that Scalding Coffee Down the Boxer Shorts of the Office Lethario Day is on 29 April?

Day of the Jackal

But I’m just scratching the surface. No year could be complete without a week devoted to cats, a day devoted to bedwetting or an International Bog Day. Not forgetting flowers is worth a whole week and you are allowed to not bother getting up on 25 September because it’s National Sleep-In Day. Failed dieters get a day to eat what they want on 6 May, but if you don’t like bread you should give 11 May a miss because that’s the start of Sandwich Week.

What with bikes and cats and smiles and the fact that you’re meant to bring your teddy bear to work on 11 June (and get locked up for insanity on 12 June), I was amazed to notice what was missing and decided to add a few of my own... so how about World Hangover Day on January 1st; Guinness Awareness Week between the 16th and 22nd of March; or even a Cadbury’s Cream Egg Day on April 10th? I think we should be told.